I will now start writing as if it has not been almost 2 months since I last posted. I find the catch-all word "management" to be annoying. What does it mean, and why does it matter to the average joe? I often seen banners or signs, especially on restaurants, that say "Under New Management". Why is that important? It would be more sensible to say "You know those worthless hacks that used to run this place? They're out and now someone competent is running this joint, so no more hair in your caesar salad". But even in that case, the sign refers to people that the vast majority of patrons have never met. Seems like a waste of money to me.

Also, this week I was in the company john, minding my own business, when I noticed that the paper toilet seat covers have an interesting message printed on their outer package - "Provided for Your Protection by the Management". So, who are these management blokes, and why do they think I need to be protected from things that inhabit their bathrooms? The message also insinuates that the paper toilet seat covers are a regular agenda item at board meetings.

Chairman: Next item - shall we approve expenditure of company funds on an initiative to protect the back sides of employees with disposable toilet seat covers when they use company facilities?

CFO: I for one, restate my continued opposition to such extravagances

COO: Not so fast. Have you been to the head lately? We've got some loose cannons that work here.

I'm sure I'm sharing too much information here, but I bet the seat covers are actually more psychological than useful for preventing public health problems. I only use one if I'm in a bathroom that I think is really dirty (proving that I, too, am irrational). Also, I think there should be a way to manufacture those things so that they don't automatically rip in half as one tries to prepare the cover for actual placement.

As I was leaving for a business trip a month ago I had a lingering cough so I bought a product advertised as an "expectorant". I was supposed to make coughs "more productive". This was encouraging, since I can think of no activity that is less productive than hacking up a lung. However, it didn't work. It got me thinking, though. Maybe they have the definition of expectorant wrong. Maybe it actually means "one who spits". That would make and expectoree "one who is spat upon". Famous expectorants in sports: Ruud Gullit, Terrell Owens, Robbie Alomar. Famous expectorees in sports: Rudi Voller, DeAngelo Hall, and John Hirschbeck. I guess that makes me an expectator, as in: "Dude, I totally saw Ruud Gullit spit on Rudi Voller".

On a related subject, I have also been thinking about low-dignity job titles. I think that "phlebotomist" takes the cake. I have an acquaintance at work that thinks it is "proctologist" (loosely translated: "butt doctor"), but I'll go with "plebotomist". For me, the fact the name is a comical, coincidental approximation of the actual job (going around the hospital putting phlegm into bottles) is the clincher. In researching this subject, I discovered a totally awesome word: sputum.

That's all for now. I do realize that I have hit a new low since this post consisted entirely of references to spit and bathrooms. Sorry.