This week, I was lucky enough to be among the 100 or so members of the marketing department to receive an impromptu pep talk from a finance executive. We have these meetings once a month that are kind of like Deca lunch meeting, but without the lunch. This time, a VP from finance had been called in to explain next year's budget to us. The budget is already a sore spot for anyone that has had anything to do with it. Because of downward pressure on gross margins, achieving explosive profit growth will require big jumps in revenue, combined with no new spending on anything. This is not a business strategy - it is a financial goal that is palatable to shareholders. In spite of the comprehensive austerity campaign, Finance guy says that our business is considered the growth engine of the company. Accounting for only about 2% of revenues, we make up nearly 1/4 of the company's value, he says, because of the profitability of our business.

In a moment of spontenaety which the VP must have later regretted, he used the slide showing our balance sheet to launch into a discussion of Corporate's new definition of profit - "economic profit". Instead of just saying a business unit's profit = stuff sold minus how much it cost to make the stuff, the will now include a charge for financing assets. Think of it this way (my example, not his). You got a guy who has a taxi, and guy with a rickshaw. Guy with the taxi takes in $100 in a day, and the rickshaw dude gets $50. Let's say operating expenses are $25 for the taxi, and $10 for the rickshaw. Taxi guy makes more money, right? But the taxi costs a lot more than the rickshaw, so if the taxi guy has to pay $50 to finance his taxi, and rickshaw dude only has to pay $5 to finance his rickshaw, rickshaw guy make $35, and taxi guy make $25. Plus, rickshaw guy gets a nice lower body workout.

Finance guy makes broad generalizations about the markets that we operate in, saying that surely with all the stuff we do, we can just expand into adjacent spaces, and find all these new opportunities that will generate plenty of "economic profit". "You guys are in marketing! You're the creative people! ("creative" used as a pejorative) You can come up with all the ideas we need in order to generate more economic profit!". Wow - why didn't I think of that? There are just so many new opportunities lying around that require no people, no investment, and no assets. In fact, we receive engraved invitations from our competitors on a daily basis asking us to come and exploit these opportunities at their expense.

I am somewhat nervous as I listen to him, because I know that I have to ask him a question. "How can we be the growth engine of the company, and yet be financed like a rickshaw brigade?" (I didn't use "rickshaw brigade"). Well, says Finance guy, finance people have studied spreadsheets for many years now, and have discovered that it's possible to sell lots more stuff without hiring any more people. This is called "leveraging SG&A". Believe it or not, I'm done complaining.

The US beat Mexico today in what I'm sure was an extremely entertaining Gold Cup final. I'll watch it tomorrow morning when I work out. I was sure the US would lose this time, but I was happy to be wrong.

I read something from Nig a while back about the pews being too far from the wall, gifting an escape route to his kids. Thankfully, this is something our new church got right. I know this because every week, we place Kai on the inside between us and the wall, and every week the first thing he does is attempt to wedge his head through the gap between the pew and the wall. Now if our church would only retrofit the pews with chicken wire underneath, we would be set.

Below are some pics of the daddy/daughter campout. Props to anyone who knows what the heck most of these are pictures of.

Due to a number of parallels that are readily visible to any observer, I have decided to start naming my canker sores, hurricane-style. Canker sores will also be rated using a category scale from 1-5. Category 1 canker sores are minor affairs - small sores that cause little pain. Category 5 sores are rediculously large and painful. Because I am bitter, I will retroactively name my worst canker sore ever "Madge" (experienced on my mission in Japan). Easily a category 5, Madge started as a small tingle on the side of my tongue, but before I knew it, she had grown to a size of a shirt button. Madge caused such excruciating pain that I couldn't speak (Japanese or English) properly, since every time my tongue slid past my teeth, it felt like I had been stabbed in the mouth by one of mom's sharp crochet needles. Just last week, I had 2 category 4 cankers inside my lower lip. I think they qualified since they altered the shape of my already-large lips enough that it was obvious to the casual observer. After a night of tense negotiations, merger talks between the 2 cankers (which were right next to each other) broke down, and I was spared a category 5 mammoth. I wish Nigel would hurry up and become a doctor, so that I could embark on some ill-advised trials of anti-tnf drugs to treat what is usually just a minor annoyance.

This past week, I noticed that a dress shirt that I got at the Buffalo Exchange (for $14) was lacking those stiff pointy things that make your collar stay straight. As a result, I had this lame-looking curled-up collar. I was annoyed, and decided to fix the problem by constructing my own pointy stiff collar inserts. I scanned my desk at work for an appropriate material, and found a semi-transparent somewhat stiff plastic CD case. I got out my scissors and made two inserts. After some fiddling around, I finally got them shoved into the little slots on the back of my collar tip. It was later that I realized that it would've been awkward had my boss walked in on my little craft project. Boss: "What are you doing?". Me: "Oh, heh, heh. Well, you know those little stiff inserts on your collar? Do you need any? I can make you a pair, too."

A follow-up on the toilet seat covers. A couple of weeks ago, I walked into the john at work, and found a paper seat cover carefully folded and wedged between the wall and the handicapped handlebar on the wall (why was I using the handicapped stall? It's roomy and nice! Like a mini upgrade to business class). What was the guy who put that seat cover back thinking? Was it "Gosh, I removed a seat cover that I decided not to use. Let me fold it up nicely and put it back so that people who are already paranoid about toilet cleanliness can choose a paper seat cover that appears to be used" ?

Tonight I was getting ready to read Asha a story and asked Jerome if he wanted to join us (he usually doesn't). "No" he said from the top bunk. "What book are you reading?" I asked. "Oh - it's called 'How to Talk to Kids so They'll Listen, and How to Listen so They'll Talk'". He had gotten it from Mari's night stand.

Back when the ladies went to women's conference, Mari wrote out some instructions for Stu that I think are kind of interesting, so I'll paste them below.

- Lock the bathrooms and the master bedroom. Keep the front door locked because Kai can open it and get out if it is not.

- Check the gates, or have Jerome or Asha check them, before letting the babies out.

- Ask Asha or Jerome to watch the babies if you don’t want to be out with them. Don’t let the babies play in the flowerbeds. We just planted tomatoes and strawberries.

- Feel free to say “no” to Jerome and Asha. “I don’t think it is a good idea.” doesn’t work well for them because it suggests that it is just an opinion. They need clear instructions.

- Push Asha to finish her lunch and milk, or you will end up feeding her all afternoon. She is not allowed to eat 1 hour before dinner.

- Asha knows where most everything is and what I usually do. Just ask her if you aren’t sure about Kai.

- Kai’s schedule is pretty much the same as Hannah’s. He takes his nap in our bedroom so Asha can still play in the playroom. Tie his foot and take it off as soon as he goes to sleep (within thirty minutes). If you forget, and I sometimes do, don’t go in anymore because it would wake him up. He sometimes cries during his nap. Most of the time he will just go back to sleep. When he is ready to wake up, he will start talking cheerfully and you will know.

- Asha usually watches one show during Kai’s nap AFTER she reads two pages (Asha thinks it is ONE page because it is one opened page) of Peter and Jane. Have her read it to you out loud. She needs to read another two pages if she talks too much or does silly things. You can remind her about that before she starts.

- If Jerome wants to watch a show, I let him watch one once he finishes his piano practice.

- Please don’t worry about keeping the house clean. I would rather have you and the kids have a good time together.