Due to a number of parallels that are readily visible to any observer, I have decided to start naming my canker sores, hurricane-style. Canker sores will also be rated using a category scale from 1-5. Category 1 canker sores are minor affairs - small sores that cause little pain. Category 5 sores are rediculously large and painful. Because I am bitter, I will retroactively name my worst canker sore ever "Madge" (experienced on my mission in Japan). Easily a category 5, Madge started as a small tingle on the side of my tongue, but before I knew it, she had grown to a size of a shirt button. Madge caused such excruciating pain that I couldn't speak (Japanese or English) properly, since every time my tongue slid past my teeth, it felt like I had been stabbed in the mouth by one of mom's sharp crochet needles. Just last week, I had 2 category 4 cankers inside my lower lip. I think they qualified since they altered the shape of my already-large lips enough that it was obvious to the casual observer. After a night of tense negotiations, merger talks between the 2 cankers (which were right next to each other) broke down, and I was spared a category 5 mammoth. I wish Nigel would hurry up and become a doctor, so that I could embark on some ill-advised trials of anti-tnf drugs to treat what is usually just a minor annoyance.

This past week, I noticed that a dress shirt that I got at the Buffalo Exchange (for $14) was lacking those stiff pointy things that make your collar stay straight. As a result, I had this lame-looking curled-up collar. I was annoyed, and decided to fix the problem by constructing my own pointy stiff collar inserts. I scanned my desk at work for an appropriate material, and found a semi-transparent somewhat stiff plastic CD case. I got out my scissors and made two inserts. After some fiddling around, I finally got them shoved into the little slots on the back of my collar tip. It was later that I realized that it would've been awkward had my boss walked in on my little craft project. Boss: "What are you doing?". Me: "Oh, heh, heh. Well, you know those little stiff inserts on your collar? Do you need any? I can make you a pair, too."

A follow-up on the toilet seat covers. A couple of weeks ago, I walked into the john at work, and found a paper seat cover carefully folded and wedged between the wall and the handicapped handlebar on the wall (why was I using the handicapped stall? It's roomy and nice! Like a mini upgrade to business class). What was the guy who put that seat cover back thinking? Was it "Gosh, I removed a seat cover that I decided not to use. Let me fold it up nicely and put it back so that people who are already paranoid about toilet cleanliness can choose a paper seat cover that appears to be used" ?

Tonight I was getting ready to read Asha a story and asked Jerome if he wanted to join us (he usually doesn't). "No" he said from the top bunk. "What book are you reading?" I asked. "Oh - it's called 'How to Talk to Kids so They'll Listen, and How to Listen so They'll Talk'". He had gotten it from Mari's night stand.

Back when the ladies went to women's conference, Mari wrote out some instructions for Stu that I think are kind of interesting, so I'll paste them below.

- Lock the bathrooms and the master bedroom. Keep the front door locked because Kai can open it and get out if it is not.

- Check the gates, or have Jerome or Asha check them, before letting the babies out.

- Ask Asha or Jerome to watch the babies if you don’t want to be out with them. Don’t let the babies play in the flowerbeds. We just planted tomatoes and strawberries.

- Feel free to say “no” to Jerome and Asha. “I don’t think it is a good idea.” doesn’t work well for them because it suggests that it is just an opinion. They need clear instructions.

- Push Asha to finish her lunch and milk, or you will end up feeding her all afternoon. She is not allowed to eat 1 hour before dinner.

- Asha knows where most everything is and what I usually do. Just ask her if you aren’t sure about Kai.

- Kai’s schedule is pretty much the same as Hannah’s. He takes his nap in our bedroom so Asha can still play in the playroom. Tie his foot and take it off as soon as he goes to sleep (within thirty minutes). If you forget, and I sometimes do, don’t go in anymore because it would wake him up. He sometimes cries during his nap. Most of the time he will just go back to sleep. When he is ready to wake up, he will start talking cheerfully and you will know.

- Asha usually watches one show during Kai’s nap AFTER she reads two pages (Asha thinks it is ONE page because it is one opened page) of Peter and Jane. Have her read it to you out loud. She needs to read another two pages if she talks too much or does silly things. You can remind her about that before she starts.

- If Jerome wants to watch a show, I let him watch one once he finishes his piano practice.

- Please don’t worry about keeping the house clean. I would rather have you and the kids have a good time together.